Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Dec 23, 2015 Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him, 
Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

Four years ago, on Christmas morning 2011, I announced to my family that I was 7 weeks pregnant with my third child. At that moment everything seemed right in the world. That was the longest I had ever held my pregnancy secret from my family and friends. A few weeks after that very fun announcement, I went to the dr's and heard the baby's heartbeat. The Dr was pleased that we could hear it so early and so was I. I recorded the heart beat on my phone so Tim could hear it too. It was a very exciting time looking forward to this new life!  And to have Kirah and Zeke excited with me made it even better! Kirah was a baby when I was pregnant with Zeke so she didn't understand but now she knew it meant a real live baby doll!   


A few weeks later around 13/14 weeks I had my first ultrasound, my doctor was encouraging me to get it. It was a new series of tests that the state was offering. It tested the baby for all of these things that they can only measure at certain weeks. I didn't really care what it was for, I just figured I’d get a chance to peek into my baby and get some pictures!!  She said I could bring Tim and the kids. So, we made the appointment and everyone went down there. For the next few minutes we saw the baby on the screen he was so cute and playful and precious and perfect and we were just adoring his little face! We even thought he even though we didn't know he was a boy yet. Then the ultrasound was over, everyone was so happy. We just got to see this pint sized little cutie super early on in the pregnancy. I never had many ultrasounds with the other two kids so this was such a treat that everyone was there. It just felt amazing.


Then the tech came back in with the doctor, standard right? Then she asked to take the kids out. Now I was super confused like, "WHY?!" Then she kept saying he needs to talk to you and I was like “That's ok. They can stay.”
And she's like, "No, I really think they should leave." At that moment my world was shaken!  They took the kids out of the room and the doctor proceeded to tell us that our baby's neck was a few millimeters too thick and I’m thinking, "What on earth are you talking about!??? I have no idea what you're talking about." He kept telling us, this marker could be a big deal like a chromosome issue or could be totally nothing. We were so confused. So in just a matter of moments we went from a regular family adoring our new baby and dreaming of our future, to fearing for his life.


Over the next few week and months leading up to his birth we had many, many ultrasounds at each one we were excited to see our precious baby we dreamt about, who was full of love, life and promise! But we were also dreading all the bad things the Dr would say about him. It was really hard. In between appointments we would pray, worship, and have so much hope. It was a huge growing time for me and the Lord. He spoke to me led me to worship songs that really ministered to me and so many verses helped me sustain the storm.


When a doctor's appointment approached I would be nervous but hopeful for a full miracle. Knowing what a big, loving God we have I knew this was a real option. You know the way the story went. My little baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. We were hoping for T 21, Down's Syndrome, knowing that T21 would be the “best case scenario.”  But it was T18. Devastating news! One ultrasound tech literally told me this is not what you call “a take home baby.” He had a hole in his heart, he was small, but the rest of him looked great. But they said that his heart wouldn't kill him. They said all his chromosomes were coded wrong and that either I could just have a miscarriage at anytime or he would be born alive and one moment he would just forget to breathe. Devastating right!?!!


This baby we wanted, we prayed about him, we longed for him! How could we just give him up so easily? Not a chance! So time after time, they presented us with their “idea’s” and we countered with our decision of continuing the pregnancy. That was around five months. We went to the ultrasounds. Many many ultrasounds. Yes it was stressful. Yes it was hard. Yes I probably cried every single time before they started and then again on the way home. But the time I spent at the ultrasounds I just adored my little son. After he was born straight into the Lord’s arms at 39.5 weeks of pregnancy, many of my close friends and family came to the hospital to see my cute little 5 pound baby and to adore him. I couldn't even believe all of the love I received from knowing that the people I love came to love my baby. And they loved him too. It literally blew my mind and filled my heart with love, joy, and thankfulness. The life and death of Elisha has affected me in so many ways and it has grown me so much and continues to.


The 1st Christmas after my fun announcement met me with all sorts of emotions. I had to run out of Target one day because I was about to bawl when I saw a simple scene. A grandma held up a My First Christmas onsie her daughter looked at it was like, “No!” I mean the outfit was super ugly, but I would've given anything to have my child wear that ugly outfit for his first Christmas! It was supposed to be HIS first Christmas. I wish my mom could have bought my son an ugly outfit that I had to put him and I could have complained about it! Taken an embarrassing picture of him in it, then take it off, and throw it in a drawer. I was just all over the place emotionally because I was so thankful to be alive and raising Kirah and Zeke. I got to see my little sister get married Dec 1. What a blessing! But I just had this sad feeling on the inside that I couldn't understand or shake.


One Thursday at Community Bible Study, an all women’s interdenominational bible study, I was sitting downstairs with the older ladies and we were going to sing some Christmas carols. The song that came on was one I have heard a million times... “Oh come let us adore Him, Oh come let us adore Him, Oh come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord," but this time I just started to cry. I looked around and some of the other women around me were crying also. The words to that song are so beautiful and real.  And it really got me thinking about the people around me and all the feelings people have at Christmas time. All the miles of love and miles of loss these women have seen. It reminded me how important community is, how important Christ is to me.


Then it got me thinking about Mary. Oh Mary, what was that night like for you? 1st you turn like 15 so yay, you're engaged. Then an angel appears to you and tells you you're pregnant. Ok then, you "get to" go on this super long walk/donkey ride with your fiancé to have the government count you but while you're there you go into labor and have a baby in a barn! With animals watching. It's not like she had her mom, sisters and aunties all around her to root her on. To get her water, a nice warm blanket and tell her she not going to die. Just breathe through it Mary, you’ll will have that baby soon. She just had Joseph! Two first timers, in a foreign town, in a barn. Awkward and scary! Now, there is a baby popping out. Wow what a night!!  


Then imagine this a bunch of Shepard's start poking their heads into the barn. "Hi, are you the couple the Angels were singing about?" "What?"
“Did you just have a baby? We were in the fields and heard about your son from the Angels and we came down here to see him." Then they went out to tell everyone that he was born. Wow that’s cool! It says in Luke 2:19 “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Awe, the heart of a mother. I don’t think that being an unmarried pregnant woman in those days was a very sought after position to be in for herself or her family. Can you imagine how special and proud she felt when they came to see her? I can. What a wonderful feeling. She must have been relieved to see her son the angels spoke to her about all those months ago be born. Then later, wise men from the East are showing up with presents, old people at the temple want to hold her baby saying basically they can die now because they have seen the savior! What great confirmation that we are a part of God’s plan even when it seems hard and feels crazy. It says “The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him…and Simeon blessed them.”


I marveled at and adored my child and through him I was blessed in ways I would have never expected and by people that I never expected. I just pray that as we get deep into the Christmas season this week, we will all take some time to adore what the Lord has given us. Come let us adore Him! The good and obvious gifts and the gifts that take a little more pondering. Search out the father’s heart for the blessings in the midst of trials. My big prayer is that we can be a community that confirms that we are all a part of God’s big plans. Even the plans that are yet to be revealed to us, that we are sensitive to the beauty of the season, and reflect on joy and love. He is a good, good Father. Let’s let Him be that to us today and every day.


Father, I adore you and am so thankful for my many blessings and the ones that are yet to come.  
-Havah

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

December 9, 2015 Little Miss Sunshine's TPR 10:15am

Ok The TPR was successful! Now it's the waiting game. Her mom has 60 days to contest but this Missy will be adopted sometime in 2016! Lift up some prayers for her grandma because it's a very difficult day for her. Havah is hoping to be able to have the Grandma in their life! 


December 9, 2015 Court Day TPR

Okay, today is the day that everyone's been waiting for for quite a long time. TPR or Termination of Parental Rights for Little Miss Sunshine. It has been advised that it will be a favorable recommendation for the family but you just never know. We're praying for tons of Gods favor today. He is good. 

"Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures." Psalms 119:90

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

December 1, 2015 60 days

Okay! Mr. Smiles has had his parental rights terminated! The judge was very nice and seemed to know the case. She acknowledged how much better his birth parents are doing but what's best for him to be adopted. His birth parents didn't attend the hearing and have 60 days to appeal. Next court date is set for the beginning of Feb 2016. 

One down and one to go for the month of December! The next one has been the more iffy situation all along so please pray for favor in the best interest of Little Miss Sunshine. She is so happy and loved! 

Monday, November 30, 2015

November 30, 2015 It's finally here.

Tomorrow and next Wednesday important dates we have been waiting for what feels like forever. TPR Termination of parental rights for both Mr. Smiles and Little  Miss Sunshine. 

It seems like they both are heading towards us and will be smooth but you never know. 

Please pray for NO surprises and peace for everyone. 

It will be a hard day for their bio parents if they come. 

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

October 2015 This month and every month, I Remember



A note from a mom. Havah. 

"You have the authority to win over anything that sets itself up against the goodness of God." -Time With Jesus

That is true but not always easy. I have been struggling with my thoughts this month about October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month because I am constantly aware that I've lost an infant. Although my time spent with Elisha was not a total loss. 

I had this weird, amazing experience to be able to carry a baby for 39 1/2 weeks. He was literally carried his entire life. I never put him down to get something done. He never felt separated from me in any way while he was alive. He listened to the constant beat of my heart and then he was delivered straight to heaven. 

Sometimes when I think about it all that happened (and me almost passing away that same day) it just feels like a strange nightmare. Then I have to remind myself that it really happened. I look back on those long hard months with all the doctors giving me the worst case scenarios, telling me my baby wasn't getting better, telling me I should just get rid of this baby and start over. Telling me that I would most likely never have a baby with T 18 again. Who says that to a mom who is in the middle of a nightmare? Basically, your baby you prayed for isn't important to us. You should just throw it away and save society money. Save yourself from the pain. Shield your heart and be humane by letting go and 'terminating' this pregnancy. 

I thought they were crazy and cruel and they thought I was crazy and cruel to let my baby have a chance when they thought he had none. How can you just start over when you are carrying this life inside of you and all you want for them is to live and breathe and to be okay. In what world is it OK to tell a mom you should just get a new baby the new baby will be better. It's so sad because that's what they really thought and believed. In their educated scientific Dr. experience that's what they thought was the best decision. But I'm not from this world and that is one thing no Dr. understood about Tim or I. We have a champion in heaven looking out for us. 

I did have my feelings hurt from God that Elisha wasn't 100% healed the way I wanted him to be. He is healed 100% but not on this side of heaven. And I am still dealing with that but as time has passed I have gained new perspective on it all. 

This week I was reading this kids devotional book called Time With Jesus.  I read this line it says "you have the authority to win over anything that sets itself up against the goodness of God " My first thought was, well Elisha didn't get healed so therefore we didn't win. Then as I thought about the line more and more and my situation, I started to think our situation was definitely set up against the goodness of God and began to feel like we did win. Although we suffered a huge loss here on earth, in the spiritual world we won. We never bent on what we believed. We've been tested, been pushed to our limits, and in our greatest time of need we remembered where our strength and comfort comes from. We have turned to the Lord and he met us every single time. I miss Elisha I miss my idea of who he was going to be. I look at his little porcelain hand and foot prints every night before I go to sleep. Every night I touch them and just think 'Aw, he was going to be so sweet, probably funny, perfect, I'm sure cute, an amazing sleeper of course, and he would love the Lord.' I want all of my kids to have amazing lives, pain free and filled with love and in the end to go to Heaven. Elisha got a free pass and skipped right to the end. Kind of lucky!! This life here on earth is but a breath in eternity. We will be there before he knows it. He doesn't miss us but we sure miss him. 

Now with this tragedy our family has been given the amazing opportunity for a win: to raise in love two kids that are almost his exact same age!! 2 kids that needed someone to champion for them, to love them, and to fight for them. To be there for them and be their family. Something we always hoped we might do in our lifetime but would have (maybe) never had the courage (or fill in the blank _____) to do it. Our story is a win. 

Thank you Elisha for your time here on earth. Thank you Lord for giving us this win and for the opportunity be more than conquerors! 

Sunday, August 9, 2015

August 9, 2015 Happy 3rd Birthday Elisha

Well, it's very strange being here in the ICU on August 9. Hav and our whole family feel extra emotional since just 3 long/short years today we were saying hey and goodbye to Elisha AND discovering all the craziness with Havah's situation. So here we are 3 years later. Havah is healing more and more each day- body, soul, and mind. Still longing for a healthy boy from her soul to be running around here on earth. The Lord sure did double her losses with 2- three year olds full of health and life but nothing will replace that sweet brown haired baby we kissed and held and cried over. I know there are a lot of run on sentences here but I can't help it. Not sure what else to say but Happy Birthday Elisha! Know you are loved and missed as you run and jump at your bday party with Jesus! We are glad you sent some extra angels to help out Poppi this week! 

Psalm 18:31-33 For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. 

 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

August 6, 2015 Wonderful News

Great news!!! They terminated family reunification on Mr. Smiles today. Parental rights termination in December. We are beyond thrilled. The deal is not sealed but it's going in the right direction! Thank you for your prayers!!!!

This picture is as they found out the news. He heard the chatter and he looks like he understood!!! 

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

August 5, 2015 Huge Court Hearing for Mr. Smiles

August 5, 2015
Please pray! Tomorrow is a big court hearing for Mr. Smiles! It's basically the start of adoption or he will be returned to his birth mom. Please pray that The Lord will place the right judge and all people in in control of the case. Please pray that they will send him on the adoption track. It would be a very difficult situation if he is returned to his birth mother. He hasn't lived with her since he was 4 months old. She's doing a good job taking care of his younger brother who has a medical condition but 2 would put a big strain on that. Please pray that he is with his permanent family now! He's having such a great time on vacation with his family and friends as we speak. We pray the first of many! Thanks again for your love. ❤️



Thursday, July 16, 2015

July 16, 2015 Peace please

Since the termination of the reunification stage for Little Miss Sunshine, the maternal grandmother has been requesting visits. She has had one and has one right now. My sister had been feeling so much anxiety building for Little Miss's visit with today!! 

My sister is a VERY easy and deep sleeper and she took forever to go to sleep last night. She was just thinking about it and praying for it. She tried to attend the visit but the social worker said no. She's having such a hard time she thinks bc she can't get a clear answer as to the purpose of the visit. Reunification? To give her some time with her? What? They aren't telling her and it's hard. 

She just really needs everyone to pray for Little Miss's angels to be watching out, for the hearts of Csw's and everyone involved thinking about Little Miss S's feelings, safety, and future. 

The song below started playing in my sister's head as she gave Little Miss to her social worker for the visit. All morning Little Miss sunshine kept saying 'I no go. I stay at home mama.' 😓 

Thank you for your prayers, love, and interest into our lives and this precious little one!





Tuesday, May 19, 2015

May 19, 20015 Court Update

They postponed the court ruling to August. 

May 19, 2015 Mr Smiles

Reminder that today is Mr. smiles court hearing to decide if they will end family reunification phase (just like what happened for Little Miss sunshine on Thursday!!!!). 

Friday, May 15, 2015

May 15, 2015 It's not raining around here!

Well, my sister just got off the phone with Little Miss Sunshine's lawyer and yesterday at the postponed court hearing no family showed up! The judge has now officially ended family reunification stage and September 10 will be termination of parental rights! Praise the Lord! Just in time for Little Miss Sunshine's third birthday! They do expect an appeal from the family but that is normal. At this point it's looking better and better that little Miss will be a part of the family forever!

Next week is Mr. Smiles court hearing to end the family reunification stage also so please pray! 

Thank you so much for all your prayers, questions, text messages, shares on FB etc...with our entire family during this whole process! From loss to blessing. 

James 1:2-4

Faith and Endurance

2Dear brothers and sisters,awhen troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Monday, May 11, 2015

May 2015 Little Miss 🌞 Court Update

Court update: Birth Mom didn't show to the hearing so they are giving her another chance to show up on Thurs. They have decided to end parent reunification services effective Thursday.  At this time they are looking to keep her with the F family but maternal grandma is still trying to get her. The main concern with placement with her grandma would be for Little Miss Sunshine safety in relation to her birth mom. Pray that this little lady will be officially apart of this family in 2015!

Termination of parental rights will be 4 months later if Thurs parent reunification services are ended. Pray that all will go smoothly. 

May 2015 Court Day

Today is the day that the Lord has made. It's also Little Miss Sunshine's Court Hearing where the outcome may be ending parent reunification services. Please pray! This little girl adds so much joy to our family!

Thursday, April 30, 2015

April 2015 Prayers for placement

Please keep Little Miss Sunshine's future in your prayers in the next few days. Please petition the Lord to move mountains to give H and Tim favor as her adoptive parents. 

For you bless the righteous, O Lord; you cover him with favor as with a shield. (Psalm 5:12 ESV)


Wednesday, January 28, 2015

January 28, 2015 Surprise...Family of Six

So...something crazy just happened! This family, that has been through so much, just got a surprise in a small package! Yesterday at 4:00pm they got a call about a 2 1/2 year old boy in need of a family. They decided to go for it! At 6:00pm today Mr. Smiles walked up their house and into their (our) hearts!!! After a traumatic start to his life, he just walked into love and maybe his new family!
Pray for this little guy! Pray that he can sleep and catch up developmentally. Pray that the situation with his bio parents will be dealable. He's already adjusted so well but we know it could be a very long road ahead! He smiles a ton and even hugged everyone by the end of the night. He's very quiet and doesn't say much.  He's small and has a twinkle in his eye.

God always has something up his sleeve to use for his Glory. So much pain, loss, struggle in the past 2 1/2 years for this family and for Mr. Smiles but he's breathing new life into dry bones everyday and today was no exception!!!!!

'I am so excited now. And still scared and like what the heck just happened!?!!! I have 4 kids all of a sudden!! I like want to tell everyone!!' -Mama Havah

Welcome to crazy 4's club sis! Xxoo 
-Swift Mama

Friday, January 23, 2015

January 2015 Ups and Downs by Tim

Marriage is the central relationship in our culture....

Over the last six years Havah and I have had to face some of our most challenging days.  Though we went through deep sorrow and loss we gained so much wisdom and understanding of life and each other.  If I could zoom in on one significant lesson I would call it “Ups & Downs”.  The scripture that comes to my mind for this lesson is in Genesis when God creates Eve and gives Adam a “helper”.  The interesting thing about this scripture is the flip side.  Yes, Eve was a helper to Adam, but on the flip side Adam was also a helper to Eve.  In God’s amazing creativity and wisdom He made man and woman alike but completely unique.  They were better together because when one needed help the other was their to fill the gap.
I found deep meaning in this scripture as we walked through pain and grieving together as helpers.  A funny thing I noticed about grieving is that men and women, though they go through the same steps of the grieving process, they hit the different steps at different times.  When Havah and I lost our baby at 39 weeks due to complications in the pregnancy; I was originally concerned with keeping the family functioning and sadness had no place in my schedule.  As the months went on I would see Havah having more emotionally “up” days and some normalcy was returning to our family.  It wasn't until then did I begin to feel sadness and sorrow for our loss.  I hit some deep pockets where I lost all motivation for the things I always loved to do.  I felt like my faith got into the ring with Mike Tyson when he was in his prime.  In this depression and hurt I found my need for a helper.
It is here that I began to see God’s amazing workmanship in how He created men and women.  You see when she was hitting her major downs I was feeling stable and could be a helper to her through the pain.  Then, when she was feeling more stable I hit some of my major downs and she was there to be my helper.  We started recognizing  each others ups and downs and acting accordingly.  When I saw her heading into a “down” time I would move into helper mode where I would do more helpful things around the house, offer words of comfort and support, and give extra attention to the kids so she could have time for herself.  Sure enough she would do the same for me and it was so much help while the pain was so real.
From this experience we now have this tool in our relationship toolbox.  We may not be going through such big ups & downs now but the same sensitivity to how the other is doing is still there.  There is something just life changing about being a helper, and having a helper in life’s painful downs has been life saving for me.
Now for those times when you both hit a down don’t worry.  For our Lord has sent the ultimate helper…the Spirit of Christ- the Holy Spirit.  I have found this to be helpful: cry together, share your hurt and pain with each other and God, then say something funny so you can both laugh-cry really hard.
 
Written by Pastor Tim

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