August 2013 You take a sad song and make it a joyful noise again...

You take a sad song and make it a joyful noise again. 

Psalms 119:1-8 You’re blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You’re blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That’s right—you don’t go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I’d never have any regrets  in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart;  I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I’m going to do what you tell me to do; don’t ever walk off and leave me.

Elisha's sweet prints and urn his daddy made.

You take a sad song.

Elisha Richard Felker would have been 1 year on Friday, August 9, 2013.

There's so many words but even this infinite blank page can't even hold them. There are so many directions this post could take. The loss of Elisha and the seriousness of what happened to Havah comes like waves over all of us; reliving the moments that took place and the pain. It hits her and Tim at the most unexpected times. The gravity of loss and the blessing is sometimes overwhelming. Hav says that she knows she was meant to be pregnant with him but it hurts just the same. All he ever knew was love. He never had his feelings hurt or fell down. He never struggled with any sin or ever felt shame. He has always known love, light, peace... He took a short cut to what we all look forward to. 

She still has the physical effects of the ordeal: pain in her leg and foot is better and she is lowering the nerve pain. She has improved so much and walks without a limp (unless she's really tired). As for her heart, it is still broken but healing everyday.

You make it a joyful noise again. 

Havah is still here to be a wife, to mother her kids, to be a sister, a daughter, an auntie, a friend, a daycare provider, a minster, a hostess, a prayer warrior, an empathizer, an encourager, a jokester, a giver, a party thrower, a gardener, a maid, a short order cook, a healer, a foster mom, an adoptive mom, a dreamer.

Havah is here and she is grateful.

Havah, Tim, and their minions
Kirah and Zeke as he turned 6!

She got to throw Kirah a party for her 7th birthday and watched her get a prestigious academic award at school (2nd grade). She got to watch our sister Tobreah walk down the aisle and be in her wedding. She watched Zeke learn to ride a two wheeler and was there when he lost his first tooth. She started a home group this past January (Homestead) with Tim at their house and it has played a big part in her growth and healing. She got to watch her nephew Judah Richard be born and laugh/cry as we all met him. She's seen the kids grow and change. She sees how loving, caring, and amazing they are. She's seen them have a very mature and sweet understanding of heaven and the realness of it. They talk about the fun Elisha is having.

She's been enjoying every part of the summer; soaking up the sun and playing with the kids. She is still continually blown away by how nice and caring everyone has been to her. It has truly blessed her beyond words. She knew people loved her but had no idea how how much until this year. She's been trying to uncover feelings and just digging into the nature of God. She's finding what he has for her life and trying to find her identity in him. She's loved having our cousin Robin be around this summer. She's also been able to love our Auntie Judy in a deeper way after she also suffered an immeasurable loss this past Fall.

She says she's, "Just ready for this big milestone to be over and to continue to grow our family thru adoption. When feeling sad I often try to take a breath and sit back and picture Elisha and all of the fun and joy he is experiencing in Heaven with so many other amazing loved ones we have lost along the way. And that usually cheers me up. I long for the care free lifestyle hanging out with the Son of God! Please keep praying for us."  

This week they will be meeting with a social worker to get going on the adoption process. They are very excited (and a little nervous) to see what the Lord has!

Thank you all,

K

Click on this for the inspiration of this post- listen to the whole thing or go to the 16th min. You take a sad song and make a joyful noise again

April 2013

Tim and Havah
Easter 2013

I was going to write a post on February 2nd but it got too emotional so I stopped...now it's almost May! Time sure flies.

Havah is still recovering from the ordeal. She started back at physical therapy last week and has been lowering her nerve meds. She still gets tired easier and sometimes she over does it with her 'bad foot.' Recovery of the heart, soul, & spirit is still underway and some days are harder than others. They wanted to be a family of five and have the opportunity to have a 3rd child but it just didn't work out as planned. They are praying that adoption will work out for them some day (hopefully sooner than later) so they can add even more love to their family. She has also working more hours watching the kids at her home childcare.

On February 7th Havah welcomed her nephew Judah Richard into the world (middle name after his grandpa and his cousin Elisha). This was obviously not a normal birth experience for us all after what we had all been through months before. It was filled with different feelings- excitement of course but also anxiety to return to the labor and delivery floor where it all took place on exactly 6 months before Judah's due date. Lucky for us, he came on the 7th so it wasn't exactly 6 months later. It was hard for all of us to go there (I cried the whole way there) but Tim was especially brave as he returned to where he lost his son and almost his wife. We all survived and The Lord continued to heal us as Judah or "Dewey" (Havah's name for him- meaning cherished or beloved) was born. It was laughter and tears of joy for the miracle of a healthy baby and healthy delivery.  While we were at the hospital, it was a constant reminder of our family's loss but also the miracle of having my sister enjoy a longer life here on earth. His presence was with us; peace and joy were in attendance. My sister's wonderful doctor is also my doctor and got to be apart of the healing. This thing was traumatic for more people than we even know. We all grow stronger everyday. The Lord's strength is what gets everyone through and towards renewal.

-Kahanah

Hebrews 11

The Message (MSG)

Faith in What We Don’t See

11 ^1-2 The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

December 2012

This Family's Christmas Tree!

It was one year ago at Christmas that the news was shared that Havah was pregnant at our family Christmas celebration. We had NO idea what the next 10+ months would have in store for her, Tim, and this precious baby. But here they are! Their hope is in The Lord and his promise to turn ashes to beauty. What a strong family.

Tim's gift to Havah for Christmas 2012
Each kids' birthstone