August 2013 You take a sad song and make it a joyful noise again...

You take a sad song and make it a joyful noise again. 

Psalms 119:1-8 You’re blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You’re blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That’s right—you don’t go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I’d never have any regrets  in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart;  I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I’m going to do what you tell me to do; don’t ever walk off and leave me.

Elisha's sweet prints and urn his daddy made.

You take a sad song.

Elisha Richard Felker would have been 1 year on Friday, August 9, 2013.

There's so many words but even this infinite blank page can't even hold them. There are so many directions this post could take. The loss of Elisha and the seriousness of what happened to Havah comes like waves over all of us; reliving the moments that took place and the pain. It hits her and Tim at the most unexpected times. The gravity of loss and the blessing is sometimes overwhelming. Hav says that she knows she was meant to be pregnant with him but it hurts just the same. All he ever knew was love. He never had his feelings hurt or fell down. He never struggled with any sin or ever felt shame. He has always known love, light, peace... He took a short cut to what we all look forward to. 

She still has the physical effects of the ordeal: pain in her leg and foot is better and she is lowering the nerve pain. She has improved so much and walks without a limp (unless she's really tired). As for her heart, it is still broken but healing everyday.

You make it a joyful noise again. 

Havah is still here to be a wife, to mother her kids, to be a sister, a daughter, an auntie, a friend, a daycare provider, a minster, a hostess, a prayer warrior, an empathizer, an encourager, a jokester, a giver, a party thrower, a gardener, a maid, a short order cook, a healer, a foster mom, an adoptive mom, a dreamer.

Havah is here and she is grateful.

Havah, Tim, and their minions
Kirah and Zeke as he turned 6!

She got to throw Kirah a party for her 7th birthday and watched her get a prestigious academic award at school (2nd grade). She got to watch our sister Tobreah walk down the aisle and be in her wedding. She watched Zeke learn to ride a two wheeler and was there when he lost his first tooth. She started a home group this past January (Homestead) with Tim at their house and it has played a big part in her growth and healing. She got to watch her nephew Judah Richard be born and laugh/cry as we all met him. She's seen the kids grow and change. She sees how loving, caring, and amazing they are. She's seen them have a very mature and sweet understanding of heaven and the realness of it. They talk about the fun Elisha is having.

She's been enjoying every part of the summer; soaking up the sun and playing with the kids. She is still continually blown away by how nice and caring everyone has been to her. It has truly blessed her beyond words. She knew people loved her but had no idea how how much until this year. She's been trying to uncover feelings and just digging into the nature of God. She's finding what he has for her life and trying to find her identity in him. She's loved having our cousin Robin be around this summer. She's also been able to love our Auntie Judy in a deeper way after she also suffered an immeasurable loss this past Fall.

She says she's, "Just ready for this big milestone to be over and to continue to grow our family thru adoption. When feeling sad I often try to take a breath and sit back and picture Elisha and all of the fun and joy he is experiencing in Heaven with so many other amazing loved ones we have lost along the way. And that usually cheers me up. I long for the care free lifestyle hanging out with the Son of God! Please keep praying for us."  

This week they will be meeting with a social worker to get going on the adoption process. They are very excited (and a little nervous) to see what the Lord has!

Thank you all,

K

Click on this for the inspiration of this post- listen to the whole thing or go to the 16th min. You take a sad song and make a joyful noise again

April 2013

Tim and Havah
Easter 2013

I was going to write a post on February 2nd but it got too emotional so I stopped...now it's almost May! Time sure flies.

Havah is still recovering from the ordeal. She started back at physical therapy last week and has been lowering her nerve meds. She still gets tired easier and sometimes she over does it with her 'bad foot.' Recovery of the heart, soul, & spirit is still underway and some days are harder than others. They wanted to be a family of five and have the opportunity to have a 3rd child but it just didn't work out as planned. They are praying that adoption will work out for them some day (hopefully sooner than later) so they can add even more love to their family. She has also working more hours watching the kids at her home childcare.

On February 7th Havah welcomed her nephew Judah Richard into the world (middle name after his grandpa and his cousin Elisha). This was obviously not a normal birth experience for us all after what we had all been through months before. It was filled with different feelings- excitement of course but also anxiety to return to the labor and delivery floor where it all took place on exactly 6 months before Judah's due date. Lucky for us, he came on the 7th so it wasn't exactly 6 months later. It was hard for all of us to go there (I cried the whole way there) but Tim was especially brave as he returned to where he lost his son and almost his wife. We all survived and The Lord continued to heal us as Judah or "Dewey" (Havah's name for him- meaning cherished or beloved) was born. It was laughter and tears of joy for the miracle of a healthy baby and healthy delivery.  While we were at the hospital, it was a constant reminder of our family's loss but also the miracle of having my sister enjoy a longer life here on earth. His presence was with us; peace and joy were in attendance. My sister's wonderful doctor is also my doctor and got to be apart of the healing. This thing was traumatic for more people than we even know. We all grow stronger everyday. The Lord's strength is what gets everyone through and towards renewal.

-Kahanah

Hebrews 11

The Message (MSG)

Faith in What We Don’t See

11 ^1-2 The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

December 2012

This Family's Christmas Tree!

It was one year ago at Christmas that the news was shared that Havah was pregnant at our family Christmas celebration. We had NO idea what the next 10+ months would have in store for her, Tim, and this precious baby. But here they are! Their hope is in The Lord and his promise to turn ashes to beauty. What a strong family.

Tim's gift to Havah for Christmas 2012
Each kids' birthstone

November 2012- Thankful

 The Felker Family at Thanksgiving.

This month Havah reentered the world of independence! She has driven by herself, picked up her kids from school (and mine), run errands, brushed her teeth without sitting down, and emptied the dishwasher without taking 3 breaks. She went to a Kindergarten Thanksgiving performance, she got the kids ready and made it to church on time, and went to Costco by herself! She went to a bacholorette party and walked down the aisle and stood as our baby sister got married!! She was able to enjoy herself at the wedding although her dancing skills were at a minimum...

These things that she (and all of us probably) had taken for granted are all signs of recovery. She is thankful.

This has been a good month. Her foot still swell, gets discolored, and hurts but it's so much better.

She wants to thank everybody who pitched in to bring dinners and helped her out in October & November when Tim was gone. She's so grateful!

Our younger sister's wedding December 1st
A new start for us all !

Keep up those prayers for my sister's heart as she physically heals and feels like she's missing a little guy who'd be turning 4 months on Sunday. Leaving the house wondering what she forgot and realizing she is missing her baby who isn't here. XXOO

November 11, 2112 Watch out World!

After a very emotional week we have a major success...Havah drove for the first time since August! Today she decided it was the day. She got in that mini van (after Tob backed it out of the driveway) and drove 5 mins to church. She did give herself a little foot massage after but did great. Kiki said it was exciting but a bit scary :) Gotta love kids! Thank you for your continued prayers and don't stop. It's been the sustaining power through this whole experience.

Tim is gone again for 7 more days and then won't be traveling again till the New Year (thank God!!). Prayers for strength for both my sisters, the kids, and Tim as they push through (and Tob plans her wedding that will be here in 3 weeks).

We love you all and thank God for you!

October 30, 2012

Havah's getting out and about more this week but still has bad pain. Keep up the prayers for her spirits and body. Tim is still gone and it's hard for all four of them. The kids are doing a great job taking care of Havah though (as you can see in the picture below). XXOO

October 25, 2012- celebrate!

We all have to shout a celebratory 3 cheers because yesterday was a monumental day... Havah wore shoes!!! And socks! This is a big day for her. Up to now she had only worn slippers and flip flops which both hurt. She did hurt pretty bad by the end of the day but it was a big accomplishment and she wanted to share her excitement.

October 21, 2012

It's been a little while since our last update and 10 weeks since this all happened. Havah is definitely in a better spot now but it's proved to be hard in different ways.

The nerve medicine she's on has begun to help with the pain but... the major downside of the meds are dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, cotton mouth, and the fact that it takes about 1 1/2 hours to kick in.

Another hard thing is that everywhere she goes people are being so nice asking about her leg/foot but the question, "How did you hurt your foot?" is heart wrenching. This injury is not a daily reminder of the pain of losing a child, it's every minute.

Please pray with us that God will heal this nerve quicker. She is stuck between the past and the future. She desperately wants to move forward but is trapped in the nightmare. There is SO much to be thankful for and she is.

Thank you for your faithfulness to pray, check up on her, sending $, gift cards, meals... It's been the grace needed to function with 2 kids & a busy schedule.

A major goal of her's is to drive again. Please pray this will happen soon! Pray for Tim and the family as he goes away for almost 2 weeks this next trip. Pray for strength Tobreah as she steps up everyday to take care of Havah's childcare business, Kiki & Zeke, and Havah while planning her upcoming wedding. And for all that support them. Thank you isn't even enough but thank you!! XXOO

A text I got from Havah this week-
"I read this yesterday in my devotional book...We should never give ourselves the freedom to doubt God or his eternal love and faithfulness towards us in everything."

September 30, 2012

Havah & her toothless wonder

Havah went to the ultrasound appointment on her leg on Monday and a nerve doctor on Wednesday. They pretty much both gave her the same results- wait for it to get better. She's glad nothing is abnormally wrong but she's tired of that answer. 

Just wait is what they told her this entire journey! The baby has extra fluid at his neck at the 12 week ultrasound and it could be Down Syndrome or Trisomy 13 or 18 but just wait. The baby has a hole in his heart after the 16 week ultrasound and his hands seem to be clenched, just wait. The blood test came back positive for Trisomy 18 and he may not live to delivery, but just wait. That's been the theme and my sister and Tim have been so gracious throughout it all depending on the Lord and trying to stay hopeful. Now is no different and the Lord is teaching them each things through this next chapter but it is very taxing and discouraging at times that the recovery has taken so long. 

This next month is going to be interesting for them and honestly hard. Tim is going to be out of town almost the entire month. Tobreah will be taking on a lot more responsibility and we are hoping that Havah will be able to do more.

We can't thank you enough if you have brought them meals. If you have it on your heart, please sign up to bring a dinner in October. This relieves so much pressure for them.

You can click here to go to this website take Them A Meal.com

Hav & handsome Zekey

September 23, 2012

Hey friends! Thank you for your continued prayers and support for Havah and family. We all continue to heal with her as the weeks go into months from the date of this traumatic event. God is so faithful to do that and bring peace when needed. Church was so awesome today as the Lord ministered to all of us. The kids are doing great and are established into this new season: soccer, elementary school, and Awana. This is all awesome & hard for her at times since her mobility and energy are limited.

She is so done with this pain and the Dr has decided to check for artery flow. Tomorrow morning she will have an ultrasound on her leg & foot.

A special thanks to all you meal bringers: from close friends to friends we haven't seen in years! Tim says he couldn't have gotten through the past weeks with out the dinners. The need is still there for those of you who feel that you want to do that.

Thank you, thank you! XXOO

September 17, 2012

From my sister:

Turned a Corner- August 9 @ 7:00pm

Havah is stable and showing signs of improvement. They think she will be here for at least a week. Tim just left to go be with his kids and get some rest. She is still in ICU in critical condition but is breathing at 80% oxygen on her own. No one but immediate family is allowed in to see her. Thank you for your prayers & PLEASE continue to pray for her healing & for the family.

August 9- A Little Bit of History- 4:30 pm

"Your ways are higher than our ways and the plans that you have made are good and true."

Havah was induced Wednesday afternoon and had a very long, painful labor process. At around 11am our wonderful doctor decided to do an emergency C-Section for Havah's health. Tim and Havah welcomed beautiful Elisha Richard (5 lbs 3oz) on August 9, 2012 at 11:15am. Baby Elisha and was not alive (due to Trisomy 18-an extra 18th chromosome) at the time of birth. The doctors believed he most likely went to be with Jesus on Wednesday or even Tuesday night.  *Havah remembers a yucky feeling that things weren't right since she hadn't really felt him on Wednesday.

During the C-Section procedure. The surgery went fine in itself until Havah was found to have a concealed placenta abruption (happens in 1% of pregnancies worldwide). She was then found to have DIC (Disseminated intravascular coagulation)- her blood wasn't clotting. Her platelet count got down to around 12 (normal is 140). They gave her blood transfusions, platelets, and had to intubate her with a breathing tube. She was transferred in critical condition to the ICU in respiratory distress due to pulmonary edema. Her lungs were filling with fluid, even with the breathing tube in. The doctors were looking at the possibility dialysis if her body could not eliminate the fluids that were pumped into her body to get it to start clotting.

The situation is extremely serious at this point, but we believe God will intervene as we continue to ask for complete healing on her behalf. In addition, please pray for Pastor Tim and the rest of the family. Between the loss of baby Elisha and Havah’s current condition they need our prayerful support.

Please pass this message on so we can ensure everyone is aware. Even if people receive the same message numerous times we want to make sure everyone knows and is praying.

Havah and Mom at her baby shower.