December 1, 2015 60 days

Okay! Mr. Smiles has had his parental rights terminated! The judge was very nice and seemed to know the case. She acknowledged how much better his birth parents are doing but what's best for him to be adopted. His birth parents didn't attend the hearing and have 60 days to appeal. Next court date is set for the beginning of Feb 2016. 

One down and one to go for the month of December! The next one has been the more iffy situation all along so please pray for favor in the best interest of Little Miss Sunshine. She is so happy and loved! 

November 30, 2015 It's finally here.

Tomorrow and next Wednesday important dates we have been waiting for what feels like forever. TPR Termination of parental rights for both Mr. Smiles and Little  Miss Sunshine. 

It seems like they both are heading towards us and will be smooth but you never know. 

Please pray for NO surprises and peace for everyone. 

It will be a hard day for their bio parents if they come. 

October 2015 This month and every month, I Remember

A note from a mom. Havah. 

"You have the authority to win over anything that sets itself up against the goodness of God." -Time With Jesus

That is true but not always easy. I have been struggling with my thoughts this month about October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month because I am constantly aware that I've lost an infant. Although my time spent with Elisha was not a total loss. 

I had this weird, amazing experience to be able to carry a baby for 39 1/2 weeks. He was literally carried his entire life. I never put him down to get something done. He never felt separated from me in any way while he was alive. He listened to the constant beat of my heart and then he was delivered straight to heaven. 

Sometimes when I think about it all that happened (and me almost passing away that same day) it just feels like a strange nightmare. Then I have to remind myself that it really happened. I look back on those long hard months with all the doctors giving me the worst case scenarios, telling me my baby wasn't getting better, telling me I should just get rid of this baby and start over. Telling me that I would most likely never have a baby with T 18 again. Who says that to a mom who is in the middle of a nightmare? Basically, your baby you prayed for isn't important to us. You should just throw it away and save society money. Save yourself from the pain. Shield your heart and be humane by letting go and 'terminating' this pregnancy. 

I thought they were crazy and cruel and they thought I was crazy and cruel to let my baby have a chance when they thought he had none. How can you just start over when you are carrying this life inside of you and all you want for them is to live and breathe and to be okay. In what world is it OK to tell a mom you should just get a new baby the new baby will be better. It's so sad because that's what they really thought and believed. In their educated scientific Dr. experience that's what they thought was the best decision. But I'm not from this world and that is one thing no Dr. understood about Tim or I. We have a champion in heaven looking out for us. 

I did have my feelings hurt from God that Elisha wasn't 100% healed the way I wanted him to be. He is healed 100% but not on this side of heaven. And I am still dealing with that but as time has passed I have gained new perspective on it all. 

This week I was reading this kids devotional book called Time With Jesus.  I read this line it says "you have the authority to win over anything that sets itself up against the goodness of God " My first thought was, well Elisha didn't get healed so therefore we didn't win. Then as I thought about the line more and more and my situation, I started to think our situation was definitely set up against the goodness of God and began to feel like we did win. Although we suffered a huge loss here on earth, in the spiritual world we won. We never bent on what we believed. We've been tested, been pushed to our limits, and in our greatest time of need we remembered where our strength and comfort comes from. We have turned to the Lord and he met us every single time. I miss Elisha I miss my idea of who he was going to be. I look at his little porcelain hand and foot prints every night before I go to sleep. Every night I touch them and just think 'Aw, he was going to be so sweet, probably funny, perfect, I'm sure cute, an amazing sleeper of course, and he would love the Lord.' I want all of my kids to have amazing lives, pain free and filled with love and in the end to go to Heaven. Elisha got a free pass and skipped right to the end. Kind of lucky!! This life here on earth is but a breath in eternity. We will be there before he knows it. He doesn't miss us but we sure miss him. 

Now with this tragedy our family has been given the amazing opportunity for a win: to raise in love two kids that are almost his exact same age!! 2 kids that needed someone to champion for them, to love them, and to fight for them. To be there for them and be their family. Something we always hoped we might do in our lifetime but would have (maybe) never had the courage (or fill in the blank _____) to do it. Our story is a win. 

Thank you Elisha for your time here on earth. Thank you Lord for giving us this win and for the opportunity be more than conquerors! 

August 9, 2015 Happy 3rd Birthday Elisha

Well, it's very strange being here in the ICU on August 9. Hav and our whole family feel extra emotional since just 3 long/short years today we were saying hey and goodbye to Elisha AND discovering all the craziness with Havah's situation. So here we are 3 years later. Havah is healing more and more each day- body, soul, and mind. Still longing for a healthy boy from her soul to be running around here on earth. The Lord sure did double her losses with 2- three year olds full of health and life but nothing will replace that sweet brown haired baby we kissed and held and cried over. I know there are a lot of run on sentences here but I can't help it. Not sure what else to say but Happy Birthday Elisha! Know you are loved and missed as you run and jump at your bday party with Jesus! We are glad you sent some extra angels to help out Poppi this week! 

Psalm 18:31-33 For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. 

 

August 6, 2015 Wonderful News

Great news!!! They terminated family reunification on Mr. Smiles today. Parental rights termination in December. We are beyond thrilled. The deal is not sealed but it's going in the right direction! Thank you for your prayers!!!!

This picture is as they found out the news. He heard the chatter and he looks like he understood!!! 

August 5, 2015 Huge Court Hearing for Mr. Smiles

August 5, 2015

Please pray! Tomorrow is a big court hearing for Mr. Smiles! It's basically the start of adoption or he will be returned to his birth mom. Please pray that The Lord will place the right judge and all people in in control of the case. Please pray that they will send him on the adoption track. It would be a very difficult situation if he is returned to his birth mother. He hasn't lived with her since he was 4 months old. She's doing a good job taking care of his younger brother who has a medical condition but 2 would put a big strain on that. Please pray that he is with his permanent family now! He's having such a great time on vacation with his family and friends as we speak. We pray the first of many! Thanks again for your love. ❤️

July 16, 2015 Peace please

Since the termination of the reunification stage for Little Miss Sunshine, the maternal grandmother has been requesting visits. She has had one and has one right now. My sister had been feeling so much anxiety building for Little Miss's visit with today!! 

My sister is a VERY easy and deep sleeper and she took forever to go to sleep last night. She was just thinking about it and praying for it. She tried to attend the visit but the social worker said no. She's having such a hard time she thinks bc she can't get a clear answer as to the purpose of the visit. Reunification? To give her some time with her? What? They aren't telling her and it's hard. 

She just really needs everyone to pray for Little Miss's angels to be watching out, for the hearts of Csw's and everyone involved thinking about Little Miss S's feelings, safety, and future. 

The song below started playing in my sister's head as she gave Little Miss to her social worker for the visit. All morning Little Miss sunshine kept saying 'I no go. I stay at home mama.' 😓 

Thank you for your prayers, love, and interest into our lives and this precious little one!

http://youtu.be/8Wb_WD1emFQ