Oh Come Let Us Adore Him,
Oh Come Let Us Adore Him
Four years ago, on Christmas morning 2011, I announced to my family that I was 7 weeks pregnant with my third child. At that moment everything seemed right in the world. That was the longest I had ever held my pregnancy secret from my family and friends. A few weeks after that very fun announcement, I went to the dr's and heard the baby's heartbeat. The Dr was pleased that we could hear it so early and so was I. I recorded the heart beat on my phone so Tim could hear it too. It was a very exciting time looking forward to this new life! And to have Kirah and Zeke excited with me made it even better! Kirah was a baby when I was pregnant with Zeke so she didn't understand but now she knew it meant a real live baby doll!
A few weeks later around 13/14 weeks I had my first ultrasound, my doctor was encouraging me to get it. It was a new series of tests that the state was offering. It tested the baby for all of these things that they can only measure at certain weeks. I didn't really care what it was for, I just figured I’d get a chance to peek into my baby and get some pictures!! She said I could bring Tim and the kids. So, we made the appointment and everyone went down there. For the next few minutes we saw the baby on the screen he was so cute and playful and precious and perfect and we were just adoring his little face! We even thought he even though we didn't know he was a boy yet. Then the ultrasound was over, everyone was so happy. We just got to see this pint sized little cutie super early on in the pregnancy. I never had many ultrasounds with the other two kids so this was such a treat that everyone was there. It just felt amazing.
Then the tech came back in with the doctor, standard right? Then she asked to take the kids out. Now I was super confused like, "WHY?!" Then she kept saying he needs to talk to you and I was like “That's ok. They can stay.”
And she's like, "No, I really think they should leave." At that moment my world was shaken! They took the kids out of the room and the doctor proceeded to tell us that our baby's neck was a few millimeters too thick and I’m thinking, "What on earth are you talking about!??? I have no idea what you're talking about." He kept telling us, this marker could be a big deal like a chromosome issue or could be totally nothing. We were so confused. So in just a matter of moments we went from a regular family adoring our new baby and dreaming of our future, to fearing for his life.
Over the next few week and months leading up to his birth we had many, many ultrasounds at each one we were excited to see our precious baby we dreamt about, who was full of love, life and promise! But we were also dreading all the bad things the Dr would say about him. It was really hard. In between appointments we would pray, worship, and have so much hope. It was a huge growing time for me and the Lord. He spoke to me led me to worship songs that really ministered to me and so many verses helped me sustain the storm.
When a doctor's appointment approached I would be nervous but hopeful for a full miracle. Knowing what a big, loving God we have I knew this was a real option. You know the way the story went. My little baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. We were hoping for T 21, Down's Syndrome, knowing that T21 would be the “best case scenario.” But it was T18. Devastating news! One ultrasound tech literally told me this is not what you call “a take home baby.” He had a hole in his heart, he was small, but the rest of him looked great. But they said that his heart wouldn't kill him. They said all his chromosomes were coded wrong and that either I could just have a miscarriage at anytime or he would be born alive and one moment he would just forget to breathe. Devastating right!?!!
This baby we wanted, we prayed about him, we longed for him! How could we just give him up so easily? Not a chance! So time after time, they presented us with their “idea’s” and we countered with our decision of continuing the pregnancy. That was around five months. We went to the ultrasounds. Many many ultrasounds. Yes it was stressful. Yes it was hard. Yes I probably cried every single time before they started and then again on the way home. But the time I spent at the ultrasounds I just adored my little son. After he was born straight into the Lord’s arms at 39.5 weeks of pregnancy, many of my close friends and family came to the hospital to see my cute little 5 pound baby and to adore him. I couldn't even believe all of the love I received from knowing that the people I love came to love my baby. And they loved him too. It literally blew my mind and filled my heart with love, joy, and thankfulness. The life and death of Elisha has affected me in so many ways and it has grown me so much and continues to.
The 1st Christmas after my fun announcement met me with all sorts of emotions. I had to run out of Target one day because I was about to bawl when I saw a simple scene. A grandma held up a My First Christmas onsie her daughter looked at it was like, “No!” I mean the outfit was super ugly, but I would've given anything to have my child wear that ugly outfit for his first Christmas! It was supposed to be HIS first Christmas. I wish my mom could have bought my son an ugly outfit that I had to put him and I could have complained about it! Taken an embarrassing picture of him in it, then take it off, and throw it in a drawer. I was just all over the place emotionally because I was so thankful to be alive and raising Kirah and Zeke. I got to see my little sister get married Dec 1. What a blessing! But I just had this sad feeling on the inside that I couldn't understand or shake.
One Thursday at Community Bible Study, an all women’s interdenominational bible study, I was sitting downstairs with the older ladies and we were going to sing some Christmas carols. The song that came on was one I have heard a million times... “Oh come let us adore Him, Oh come let us adore Him, Oh come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord," but this time I just started to cry. I looked around and some of the other women around me were crying also. The words to that song are so beautiful and real. And it really got me thinking about the people around me and all the feelings people have at Christmas time. All the miles of love and miles of loss these women have seen. It reminded me how important community is, how important Christ is to me.
Then it got me thinking about Mary. Oh Mary, what was that night like for you? 1st you turn like 15 so yay, you're engaged. Then an angel appears to you and tells you you're pregnant. Ok then, you "get to" go on this super long walk/donkey ride with your fiancé to have the government count you but while you're there you go into labor and have a baby in a barn! With animals watching. It's not like she had her mom, sisters and aunties all around her to root her on. To get her water, a nice warm blanket and tell her she not going to die. Just breathe through it Mary, you’ll will have that baby soon. She just had Joseph! Two first timers, in a foreign town, in a barn. Awkward and scary! Now, there is a baby popping out. Wow what a night!!
Then imagine this a bunch of Shepard's start poking their heads into the barn. "Hi, are you the couple the Angels were singing about?" "What?"
“Did you just have a baby? We were in the fields and heard about your son from the Angels and we came down here to see him." Then they went out to tell everyone that he was born. Wow that’s cool! It says in Luke 2:19 “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Awe, the heart of a mother. I don’t think that being an unmarried pregnant woman in those days was a very sought after position to be in for herself or her family. Can you imagine how special and proud she felt when they came to see her? I can. What a wonderful feeling. She must have been relieved to see her son the angels spoke to her about all those months ago be born. Then later, wise men from the East are showing up with presents, old people at the temple want to hold her baby saying basically they can die now because they have seen the savior! What great confirmation that we are a part of God’s plan even when it seems hard and feels crazy. It says “The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him…and Simeon blessed them.”
I marveled at and adored my child and through him I was blessed in ways I would have never expected and by people that I never expected. I just pray that as we get deep into the Christmas season this week, we will all take some time to adore what the Lord has given us. Come let us adore Him! The good and obvious gifts and the gifts that take a little more pondering. Search out the father’s heart for the blessings in the midst of trials. My big prayer is that we can be a community that confirms that we are all a part of God’s big plans. Even the plans that are yet to be revealed to us, that we are sensitive to the beauty of the season, and reflect on joy and love. He is a good, good Father. Let’s let Him be that to us today and every day.
Father, I adore you and am so thankful for my many blessings and the ones that are yet to come.
-Havah
